6 years. As if it never will hurt.

Se intampla ca uneori, in metrou sau trantit in pat dupa o zi lunga, sa dau de un articol sau de o idee misto. Se mai intampla si sa primesc genul asta de informatii de la alti oameni. Si ce altceva se intampla este ca nu tot timpul am chef sau timp  sa le parcurg, pe moment.

De aceea, mi-am facut un obicei de a-mi trimite toate astea mie pe mail sau prin sms catre numarul salvat “Me” in telefon. Cert e ca sunt lucruri la care vreau sa ma intorc si la care marturisesc ca nu ma intorc de fiecare data.

Astazi cautam niste informatii pe care sigur mi le-am trimis pe mail la un moment dat. Nu le-am gasit. Am gasit poze cu mine din ultimii zece ani. As zice ca am imbatranit frumos. Si unele poze care mi se pareau reusite, nu mi se mai par la fel acum.

Am gasit primele mail-uri trimise in care nu stiam sa apas “enter” intre paragrafe.

Am gasit vechi ganduri despre singuratate si disperare.

Am gasit export-uri de chat-uri de pe whatsapp. Pentru ca inainte de a sterge conversatia cu anumiti oameni, pentru ca nu mai voiam sa stiu nimic de ei, am dat export si send to mail.

Asa, sa fie, sa ma pot intoarce la un moment dat si sa iau o crampeie din cum eram la un moment dat.

Mai mult de-atat, insa, am dat export pentru ca mi-a fost frica sa sterg o conversatie in care ultimele cuvinte erau nasoale, da, pline de furie, aruncate aiurea, doar ca sa doara. Dar, totusi, era o conversatie care avea si “Te iubesc” si “Ma bucur ca esti in viata mea”. Si mi-a fost frica sa sterg asta.

Si am mai gasit ceva. Ceva ce mi-am trimis pe mail in septembrie 2012, o chestie pe care o facusem pe un site care te ajuta sa iti pui in ordine anumite idei despre unde vrei sa ajungi on the long run. Erau niste afirmatii pe care trebuia sa le continui. Mai jos ceea ce la momentul ala se numea “My Mission Statement”. Vorbim dupa.

 

MY MISSION STATEMENT:

You can continue to write and revise your mission statement until you feel it reflects what you live for. You could also try going through the Freewrite section of this site to help you refine your mission and values, or you could visit the Get Inspired section for more ideas.

I am at my best when:

  • my work touches others and the results of my work make people and the world a better place.
  • I see the results of my work.
  • I’m developing people through my classes.
  • I don’t stress and I’m optimistic.
  • I love what I’m doing

I will try to prevent times when:

  • I don’t have enough information about work I have to get done.
  • People make decision seeing people as resources, not human beings.

I will enjoy my work by finding employment where I can:

  • Develop people.
  • Meet people and talk about how we can do things better.
  • Be part of a team that values trust, honesty and being straight-forward.
  • Find creative ideas for changing the training plan so that the participants will actually like the process of their development
  • see people that understand that we are working for the same goal.
  • Find simple solutions to complicated needs.
  • be present when I’m in the class
  • see the results of my work and that all the effort is worth it.
  • see that my team is changing things and that we are touching lives of so many people and actually change the world

I will find enjoyment in my personal life through:

  • reading
  • music on a rainy day.
  • finding a song for every state of mind.
  • finding myself and be close to what I truly am (knowing my flaws and facing them and also seeing how I can develop in order to be better every day).
  • meeting simple people that can share their ideas honestly
  • seeing people on the street, but not just see them, but seeing their lives, wondering what are they thinking about
  • writing and watching the surrounding world and be glad about it.
  • doing things that will touch people’s lives..

I will find opportunities to use my natural talents and gifts such as:

  • communicating with people and care about them.
  • writing thoughts down.
  • open up people. .

I can do anything I set my mind to.

I will start a foundation and work as a volunteer. I will start psychology classes and start developing towards being a life coach. I will start taking care of my mind and body more..

 
My life’s journey is about changing people’s life. It’s about finding myself and my purpose. It’s about helping and developing the world so that I’ll know that I’ve left it better.

Seeing me in the next 10 years, I’m a calm person that finally understands the meaning of life and shares it with others. I have a clear mind, a healthy body, a loving heart and a good soul. I’m listening to people and helping them getting through life so that they would become what they want. The results? Bringing happiness and knowing that my actions mean something to someone who’s action will mean something to someone else..

 
My most important future contribution to others will be being there whenever they need me as a friend. Being a good person, a good listener..

I will stop procrastinating and start working on:

  1. Moving out of the country.
  2. Quitting my job, take a chance, risk and start something on my own.
  3. Going to work as a volunteer around the world.

I will strive to incorporate the following attributes into my life:

  • a good heart and a positive approach of everything that I do.
  • toughness, softness and always being true to myself
  • courage, strong mind, the power of never letting go.

I will constantly renew myself by focusing on the four dimensions of my life:

  • Having a healthy body
  • Getting closer to what life really is, finding my purpose and actually see what the world is like
  • Starting talking less negative about me. Start taking things as they come, being less worried
  • Start going out more, meeting new people and building a relationship as if love will never hurt and no one will ever disappoint me.

Am citit toate cele de mai sus dupa aproape 6 ani. Si azi, nu pot sa bifez toate lucrurile de mai sus ca fiind acoperite.

Desi nu am tinut minte nimic de-a lungul anilor, intr-un fel ciudat, am avut grija ca ele sa se intample, mai mult sau mai putin.

Si mi se pare ca despre asta sunt azi si tot ce e mai sus incepe sa nu mai fie la viitor, incepe sa fie din ce in ce mai mult la prezent. Si e un sentiment tare frumos.

Daca e sa nu fi invatat ceva in toti anii astia, e fix ultimul punct ala cu “as if love will never hurt”. Marturisesc ca inca mi-e frica sa ma arunc in asta. Da’ mai e timp, cine stie ce vor aduce urmatorii 6 ani.

Nu am intrat in voluntariat, desi tot timpul mi-am dorit asta. Am avut niste tentative care nu au iesit. Probabil de aici si proiectul cu #gaymeon care vine cumva din ideea ca “daca nu pot sa particip ca parte dintr-un ONG, voi incerca sa particip singur, asa, cu cele maxim 20 de like-uri per post”

Anyway, have a try. Continua afirmatiile si vezi ce iese. Cine stie ce mai afli despre tine. Cine stie ce descoperi peste ani.

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